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Ask Emilie: Bridesmaid Tuxedo Dilemma

Welcome to Ask Emilie, here you can ask any question to our wedding planner Emilie. Emilie will answer your question no matter the topic. It can be about anything from styling, general wedding questions, cultural customs, planning, wedding budget and more.

Today’s question is from an anonymous reader who asks:

One of my good friends is in my bridal party, however she does not want to wear a bridesmaids dress. It's because she a lesbian who is quite blokey and is not used to wearing women's clothing. I was thinking she could wear a suit or tux in the same colour as the bridesmaids dresses. After speaking to my fiance, he only wants to the guys to wear tuxes. I get both sides of the argument but I feel like I am stuck in the middle. I could really use some help. Thanks

Bridesmaid Tuxedo: Would You Allow It?

Bridesmaid tuxedo

Bridesmaid tuxedo instead of a dress at your wedding, would you allow it?

Before going in to answer your question, it is my opinion that the bridesmaids and groomsmen wear whatever the wedding couple wishes them to wear. It does not matter what the bridesmaid or groomsmen personally like or dislike – it’s not about them.

The simple logic is this, if its your wedding you make the rules and if its theirs then they make the rules. When same-sex marriage is legalised in Australia or your friend has a destination wedding and she asks you to wear a suit instead of a dress then by all means its your obligation to wear what she wants. Even Dimitri (one of our wedding planners) went to China for his friend’s wedding. The groomsmen as part of the pre-wedding activities had to wear adult diapers. Dimitri told me he didn’t like that part but he did it because his friend asked him to. He got into the spirit instead of trying to cause a problem.

The idea of having the bridesmaid tuxedo as the same colour as the other bridesmaids dresses is a good compromise. That being said when you look at your photos after the wedding, your friend may stick out from the other bridesmaids due to the difference in attire instead of blending in – again if you are happy with this, then by all means go for it.

Another option is to have modular dresses for your bridesmaids. When they go to the fitting they will have a dress fitted to their shape and style. While it will not be a bridesmaid tuxedo, you could speak to the dressmaker and perhaps find a common ground. This way you can suit both yourself and your friend. This option will of course not work if you have your heart set on them all wearing one style.

At the end of it all, its your wedding and its about you and your husband to be. You don’t want to change important elements of your wedding for someone else. Stay strong in what you want as its your day not hers.


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