01 Mar Ask Emilie: Mum Won’t Come To Wedding(Last Updated On: 11/05/2018)
Welcome to Ask Emilie, here you can ask any question to our wedding planner Emilie. Emilie will answer your question no matter the topic. It can be about anything from styling, general wedding questions, cultural customs, planning, wedding budget and more. This week is about “Mum Won’t Come To Wedding”.
Today’s question is from Beth M who asks:
Hi Emilie, I am seriously hurting right now.... my mum and dad got divorced 7 years ago. My dad has since remarried so he and his current wife will be attending. As such my mum does not want to attend. I understand she is still bitter about the divorce but I can not believe she cant put her differences aside for half an hour to even attend the ceremony. Do you have any advice or suggestions of how to deal with this? My mum won't come to my wedding and I am so upset about this I dont' know what to do. It just appears as though she just doesn't care. Beth P.S. I sent a screenshot to show you want I'm talking about.
Firstly I am sorry to hear about this, it must be very emotionally painful to be going through this. It can be hard when parents split up and emotional rifts can cause issues like this. Without knowing all the personal ins and out of what happened I will try to give some advice on this so you can still have both your parents on the day. While right now your Mum won’t come to the wedding, hopefully we can turn it around.
Have Them On Either Side Of The Church
Traditionally the parents of either the bride or groom will sit next to each other. However in situations such as these where either party do not want to be around each other other ideas are needed. You can have one parent on one side and the other parent on the other side of the church. This is generally the easiest solution as most parents are willing to compromise for their children. This can also work for the venue and you can put them on tables that are not near each other and seated so that they do not see each other at their respective seats.
Only Come To The Wedding
While you would like both parents for the whole day, this may be asking too much. Perhaps we can change “Mum Won’t Come to the wedding” to “mum will come to some of the wedding”. One solution is to ask your mother to only attend the wedding ceremony. Whatever her reasons she is still deeply upset. Perhaps seeing your father with another woman will reopen them especially in close proximity for several hours.
Have Your Future Husband Be A Mediator
Your initial reaction might be “I would never ask him to do it”. The simple truth is that your future husband is more than likely happy to help. This is a very emotional situation for you and even with best intentions, emotions will rise from either party. Sending in your future husband to talk to your mother can be very helpful. While he can sympathise he isn’t as directly affected (since this is your mother). He has the advantage of middle ground and can remain cool. He may be able to find a solution or options that may not be possible if you try directly. That being said there is no harm in trying yourself.
Depending on the relationship between your parents, it may be possible for your father to contact your mother. While the situation may be strenuous, the fact that your father is willing to contact your mother on your behalf will send a message. The message that perhaps its time to put down the gloves for part of a day.
I hope that this has given you some ideas to have your mum come to your wedding. Let us know how this goes and that this will work itself out. Failing that I would like to offer one last piece of advice: “be grateful to those who are at your wedding and not focus on those who are not”.
Are you having any issues with family on your upcoming wedding day? Were you able to patch things up and leave it at least amicable? Join the discussion and let us know in the comments below 🙂
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