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Ask Emilie: Not My First Wedding Dilemma

Welcome to Ask Emilie, here you can ask any question to our wedding planner Emilie. Emilie will answer your question no matter the topic. It can be about anything from styling, general wedding questions, cultural customs, planning, wedding budget and more. This week is talking with a bride who says that it is “Not My First Wedding” and needs some advice.

Today’s question is from Stella N who asks:

Emilie I really do not know where to begin. I am 72 days away from my wedding and if I can be blunt my family doesn’t care. I have had to do everything myself. My maid of honour won’t help at all (even though she begged me to be my maid of honour). Every time I ask for help or for her opinion she turns it around saying she is too busy. This is not my first wedding. In my first marriage her and her husband was the the best man and helped us tremendously but this time they just do not care. My family isn’t excited either. They love my fiancee and think he’s the best thing in my life. But there is no excitement at all. I have been married twice before and never had a big wedding (this is my future husbands second). So I am wondering if that is the reason? I never had a traditional wedding and am really excited for it. I am putting a lot of my time, money and energy into this. I just really would like to been special for us but also my family even though its not my first Wedding. Stella

Not My First Wedding

Not My First Wedding: Mature Couple On A Park Bench

Hi Stella,

I believe you may have already answered your question while writing to me as you say ‘not my first wedding’. When a person is younger and they get married then there is much excitement. Starting off as singles and coming together as one is something new and different. When we get older, things happen and people get remarried for whatever reason. By this stage your other friends and family are already married, have children and so on. In essence life happens.

It is not that they are not happy for you but they have other priorities in their life. They will be very happy to attend. Being married for a third time for most people just does not hold up to the first wedding. This is not to say that it is any less important. In many ways it’s even more important especially for yourself.

The simplest and best advise I can give you is as follows. The wedding is about you and your future husband. It is not about your family and friends.

To them this is your third marriage. To you this is the man you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with. You would love it if your family and friends were more interested or involved. The simple truth is that they are not as much as you are. The focus should be that this wedding is for the both of you and not anyone else.

I understand where you are coming from in the sense that this is your first traditional wedding. As the other weddings I assume were a registry wedding. You finally get to do all the fun things in preparation of your wedding. While I understand even your maid of honour isn’t very interested to help with things. The truth is that things need to get done. The practical advice I can give is that do as much as you can yourself. Delegate your future husband responsibilities as well. If anyone is willing to contribute then relish it and assign them duties accordingly. For anything else do not stress. If you can afford it then look for a professional on-the-day-coordinator or stylist to take the stress away.

Focus on your marriage and the days ahead and not so much on the wedding day. This day is about you and your future husband and on one else. Be happy that you have found the one. As they say ‘Third time’s a charm’. Who cares if it (as you say) is “Not My First Wedding”. The day is about the future with your future husband.

Are you having any issues if it is not your first wedding? Join the discussion and let us know your thoughts in the comments section below 🙂

Do you have a question for Ask Emilie then email her here? Alternatively, fill out the form below and have your question answered in our wedding blog. Also, check out the other Ask Emilie Blogs here, they may also contain what you are looking for or give you ideas and inspirations for other wedding-related questions.

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