Welcome to Ask Emilie, here you can ask any question to our wedding planner Emilie. Emilie will answer your question no matter the topic. It can be about anything from styling, general wedding questions, cultural customs, planning, wedding budget and more. This week we talk with a bride who is not going to take the last name of her future husband.
Today’s question is from Samantha M who asks:
“Hey Emilie, I would prefer to not take my husband’s last name. This is because I feel a connection to my last name and do not particularly like his. At the same time, I don’t want us to have different last names. The reason is that if we have children, I want everyone to have the last name? I know we could hyphenate our last names. I personally do not want to sign ‘Wang-Hooker’ for the rest of my life. Its just an unfortunate combination of names. Are there any other options? I know I am not making this too easy. If it helps, I love my middle name which is Grace. There may not be any other options available, but I thought I would ask anyway. Thanks Sarah”
Hi Sarah, what an interesting situation you have. While I am personally more traditional I can certainly see where you are coming from. I have spoken with the team here as I wanted to give a broad of an answer as possible to find a potential solution for you. I will list every possible option we could think of to help find a last name or option that can help you find a solution for this.
Combine Last names
To honour both your lineage some couples like to combine their last names. For example, you could have a couple with last names Smith and Thompson. They could be merged into one name to become Smithson or Thomith for example’s sake. As you can appreciate some names are easier to bring together than others.
Last Name Becomes Middle Name
You may have heard of Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton but did you know that Rodham was her Maiden Name. Her maiden name was Hillary Diane Rodham. She did not want to keep ties with her last name but still want to take her husband’s last name. By making your maiden name your new middle name you get to keep your last name. In fact you have 2 middle names. But you get to keep your last name and have your husbands name.
You may be thinking that its too similar to combining your last names together. You could make your husbands last name your first middle name. Also on a practical lever, many people do not refer to their middle names in general. In general day to day life, the middle name would not come up except for paperwork.
Husbands Last Name As Your Middle Name
Similar to making your maiden name and turning it into our maiden name. You could always keep your last name but make your husband’s name your middle name (or one of them). While it is a similar situation
Create A Last Name From Scratch
You both could break free from the last name issue and make your own last names together. Unlike combining your last names together, this option lets you both choose a name in any way shape or form. You could be Mr & Mrs Trenshore, Smith, Spock and so on. You could even be Mr & Mrs Unicorn-Laser if you were that way inclined (thanks Dimitri).
Family Lineage Before He Was A Hooker
Historically the last name of Hooker derived from people that used to work with hooks in agriculture or someone who made hooks. The name was also given to people who lived near a bend or a hill spur (like a mini mountain on a mountainside. Getting back on track if you ask him about his lineage, did they have a different last name? It may be something more suitable if you did want to hyphenate or any of the other options provided. Its a great way of honouring his lineage without becoming a Hooker (no pun intended).
You Do Not Have To Decide Straight Away
Lastly and most importantly, you do not have to do this now. Its a big decision for you but also your husband if he also change his name. Whether you are getting married today, tomorrow, next week or even after you get married there is no time limit. Go through all the option thoroughly to make a decision you are happy with. Hopefully, our ideas have helped or spurred another idea that works for you.
Are you planning to change your last name after you are married? Do you plan to keep yours or do something different? Join the discussion and let us know down below 🙂
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