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How To: Cringy And Worst Wedding Speech Guide

Worst Wedding Speech: Four Weddings And A FuneralAccording to one study they found that wedding speeches are the most commonly talked about thing when people go home after a wedding. The study found 2 things. The first is that 95% of wedding guests will discuss the speeches. Secondly is that at least 50% of those people surveyed mentioned a bad wedding speech nearly ruined a wedding day. In other words, the worst wedding speech they ever heard.

While we have guides on “How To” give a proper speech (links down below) we have also touched on what not to do. We thought it would be a fun idea to combine all the cringiest, worst, cliched and horrible wedding speeches into one guide for your amusement.

15 Worst Wedding Speech Things You Can Do

Be sure to take note so you don’t don’t fall into the same trap if you have to give a wedding speech. You do not want to be known for the “Worst Wedding Speech” someone ever heard. Sit back and enjoy our 15 worst things to do for a wedding speech that we have seen at various weddings and combined it into one funtastic blog.

Do Not Practice or simply “Winging it”

If someone utters this phrase when they start it means that it will be filled with lots of “um’s”, long pauses and trying to scrape for ideas on the go. Sorry to break it to you BUT if you don’t practice then people will think “why did you even both to get up and talk”.

Have Too Much To Drink

Everyone loves a good party especially at a wedding and its fine to have a glass or 2 before your speech. If you drink too much then you will have a slurred, incoherent speech and risk blurting out inappropriate comments that you may regret later. Especially if its being recorded.

Reference Personal Jokes / Stories That No One Understands

Unless you are willing to explain a personal or private joke so everyone understands why it was soo funny to you… you will only see tumbleweeds go across the reception. When writing your speech take into consideration that not everyone has your same experiences with the bride and groom. Explain a bit of back story if needed and never assume.

Talk About Stuff The Bride / Groom Have Asked You Not To Talk About

So you remember that time the groom did that embarrassing thing that no one knows about. Unless you are willing to ruin your friendship its better to not say anything or double check.

Do Not Bring Notes

So you have practiced all week but you forgot to bring your notes or you feel soo confident that you just don’t need them. Maybe it was the alcohol talking, the nerves setting in or just the simple fact you are presenting in front of EVERYONE YOU EVER MET that will make you forget aspects of your speech. Even if you don’t need them my suggestion is to have 2 copies. The first is on your phone (for ease of access) and a printed paper copy just in case your phone dies. Even simple dot points to jog your memory (just in case).

Make Overly Sexual / Inappropriate Jokes or References

All your friends think you are hilarious but that (more often than not) is about it. You will be speaking to people of all ages, backgrounds and beliefs. Try to keep it at least at PG or failing that MA15+.

Say You Got This Speech Online ‘Joke’

You know what joke people NEVER hear at weddings… its this “I got this speech online”. As wedding planners we hear this joke so often that its not a question of IF we will hear it but when. We sometimes put bets on WHO will say it first (normally the Groom or Best Man). Sure you got inspiration from somewhere maybe even here but you don’t have to mention it. Just take the credit and look good.

Take Your Clothes Off

This has only happened a couple of times but while speaking we have seen the best man talk, get nervous, undo bow tie, stat unbuttoning shirt… start taking shirt off… groom tries to save the day and whisper to best man to put shirt on. This one is one of the more bizarre things to happen.

Make The Wedding About You

Some people just love the spotlight and have from time to time veered of the main points of their speech to tell personal stories about themselves and derail their speech. We have even seen people propose to their significant other or announce a pregnancy?! The audience is interested in stories about the Bride / Groom not about YOU as its not your day.

Compare This Wedding To Others You Have Been To

We have all been to wedding and in some cases you have been to a wedding that just blew your mind as it was simply amazing. While that’s great, the wedding you are currently at is not about that another couple. By comparing weddings in your speech you run the risk of isolating the couple. It can make them feel bad in front of everyone and make them feel sub-par. When its your turn to get married you will see how expensive it can be and being compared to other couples weddings on your day is a really unwanted feeling.

Bring Attention To Negative Aspects Of The Wedding You Are At

You are a perfectionist and you have the highest standard of taste and perfection. Did you notice that table 3 has a slightly smaller decorative arrangement? Or the Bridesmaid hair is SOOO 2015? Those bow ties are a slightly different shade compared to the napkins? Just don’t talk about it. Do you not realise how hard it is to get EVERYTHING TO MATCH to the exact same shade and tone… just don’t do this unless you want to be a jerk.

Get Into A Fight While Doing Your Speech

Sure one of the guests annoyed you earlier but picking a fight in front over everyone is NEVER the solution. Just take a moment and relax because this isn’t YOUR moment its about the couple getting married. If this doesn’t make a ‘worst wedding speech’ then I don’t know what will.

Talk Without A Microphone In A Large Room

Hey whats with the microphone… my voice is BIG, ROBUST and LOUD. Maybe its the alcohol talk but can your voice REALLY carry that far in a big loud echoey room? Just use the microphone and use it like a normal person. This will make you look professional and not appear to be shouting at the other guests.

Profess Your Undying Secret Love To The Bride / Groom

Sure you have been the brides bestie for 20 years or you have had a secret unwavering crush on the groom ever since you met him and must tell everyone during your speech. Do this if want to derail an entire wedding, isolate yourself from everyone including your bestie, ruin a friendship and be known as the person who ruined someones wedding, just don’t do it. Sure in the movies it looks romantic and its accepted by EVERYONE as you run off into the sunset. Realistically you will look like the worst person in history on the day. Either don’t show up or just keep it to yourself. This will quickly make a guests ‘worst wedding speech’ they ever heard.

Drop The Mic (BOOM)
Worst Wedding Speech: Drop the mic

This is how you drop the mic

Would it not look cool when you finish your speech by dropping the mic? NO IT WILL NOT! It only works when you are able to walk away and mainly in movies. All that will happen is the speakers will emit a high pitch noise that deafens everyone’s ears (including yours) as you walk back to your seat 5 meters away. Only to have someone else pick it up after you.

So please if you are speaking at a wedding (including your own) follow the basic rules of what NOT to do and everything should be alright during your speech. This way you will not have the worst wedding speech ever spoken.

Feel free to check out our other wedding speech guides down below. Here we give you guides for the perfect speech on your wedding day (or anyone else speaking).

Have you been to any wedding speeches that were just crazy or did anything mentioned above? Join the discussion below 🙂

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